Monday, March 06, 2006

Safety Procedures

Awhile ago I wrote a post about a Safety Team meeting I attended. We have a tornado drill coming up Wednesday and today I received an email from two female co-workers. What follows is our unaltered email chain.

From: Kara
Sent: Monday, March 06, 2006 3:04 PM
To: Pinger, Michael
Cc: Kristin
Subject: Safety Procedures
Importance: High

Pinger –

As Kristin and I are preparing for our upcoming tornado drill, we wanted to simply confirm the process that we will use once hearing the announcement of a Tornado!

1) Immediately panic
2) Grab as many personal belongings as we can possibly carry
3) Take off in a dead sprint and start yelling as we head toward the nearest elevator
4) Press the “down button” on the elevator persistently and immediately jump on board waiting for no stragglers
5) We will exit the elevator at the 3rd floor, raiding Chris's candy drawer as everyone else is sitting in the stairwell
Lastly, we will take the elevator to the 1
st floor and proceed outside, to sit in the grass and eat our candy in the 60 degree weather.

As a member of the Safety Team, please let us know if the above procedure is going to cause any problems.

Lastly, the Tornado email has brought up many other concerns such as, what should we do if we received a Flash Flood Warning? A Hurricane? A Tsunami? Please forward the procedures to us immediately, as we would like to be prepared before such natural disasters occur.

p.s. The first stall in the women’s bathroom (4th floor) continuously runs out of toilet paper and we feel that must be hazardous. Can you please make sure this item is added to the agenda for the next Safety Team meeting?

Thank you for your time.


Kara & Kristin

From: Pinger, Michael
Sent: Monday, March 06, 2006 3:39 PM
To: Kara
Cc: Kristin
Subject: RE: Safety Procedures
Importance: High

First, let me applaud you for your interest in safety procedures. If everyone in the building were as concerned with following procedure as you two we wouldn’t need to have drills. But alas, most people don’t share our enthusiasm. The steps you’ve outlined below, while appropriate, fall short of my recommendations. Instead of using the elevator, I recommend finding the nearest stairwell and pushing people downstairs yelling, “We’ll all get out of here a lot faster if we push!” I like where you’re going with step 5, but as a survival enthusiast, I recommend raiding the refrigerator’s first. After all, studies show that in a survival situation, a person can only go two days without soft drinks, but function for almost a month without candy. I’m not sure if those studies took into account the “women love chocolate factor” though.

As far as flash floods, hurricanes, and tsunamis, I recommend wearing capri pants or coolats with a strap-on sandle during the rainy season. It’s an ensemble that is both stylish and safe. I usually have aqua socks and swimming trunks with me at all times.

I understand your concern with toilet paper, but have you tried the handicapped stall? Does it have the same problem? If not, I’d use it. It is more rooming which allows for a more comfortable experience.

Thanks again for your concern and enthusiasm for safety. If you’d like I could ask the team if you can enter into our junior officer program. You’ll get a sash and a flashlight and after a year’s time you’ll be eligible to join the team. We’re always looking for rookies to kick around. :)

Safety Team Member and Evangelist,

Mike Pinger

From: Kristin
Sent: Monday, March 06, 2006 4:05 PM
To: Pinger, Michael; Kara
Subject: RE: Safety Procedures

Thanks, Mike. We applaud continuous dedication to solving our safety problems and alleviating our safety concerns. And while the invitation to join the Safety team is much appreciated, we will not be able to accept due to a time conflict. You may have already heard that we recently joined the Walker Wear Design Team and need to focus our attention on the upcoming spring collection. However, we will keep your suggestion of aqua socks and swimming trunks in mind as we look to improve the core functionality of the Walker Wear Collection.

Thanks again for your perseverance and timely response.

Best regards,

Kristin and Kara

Senior Designers

Walker Wear Apparel

From: Pinger, Michael
Sent: Monday, March 06, 2006 5:00 PM
To: Kristin; Kara
Subject: RE: Safety Procedures

Congratulations on joining the Walker Wear team. I’m sure the other young professional women in the company will appreciate having stylish women such as you designing the spring line. I’m looking forward to the spring collection. As a tall slender male, it is hard for me to find fall and winter apparel that both fits comfortably and passes the Walker dress code.



P.S. Let me know if you need a runway model for a Walker Wear fashion show. I’ve have experience modeling both men’s and women’s clothing.

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